it keeps getting better!

So I use a program called CoPilot to track my blood glucose readings and I really love the program...its my new bff.

Well it calculates my average...and right now its 135. According to http://www.accu-chek.com/us/rewrite/content/en_US/4.1.2:20/article/ACCM_general_article_2422.htm#

if I can keep this up, my a1c will be a 5.96..so 6%


I need to keep this up until februrary when I go back to Dr. Kilbane. I really want to rub it in their faces that I CAN DO THIS!!!



on a side note, I got marc to poke my finger last night. I know, big whoopteeedoooo but really, if I let him help me in baby steps, maybe it wont freak him out. last night he kinda looked at me and was like "thats all?" and yeah, it really is that simple. So since he realizes he cant hurt me (ok he can but I wont let him know that ;) ) maybe he'd be more eager to help. Hes eager, but I think hes nervous about doing this to me right now.

woke up to 86 this morning...damn, I feel ALIVE!

352 days later...

its been 352 days since I last updated this thing..yikes.

Romance:
Joey and I have been long over. Enter Marc. Marc is my first love. We broke up because we needed to grow up and he needed to clean up his act. Long story short... hes going through a divorce, he has a daughter, we are back in love.

Life:
I GRADUATED!!!! I get the official paperwork next month. I still work at national city, as full time.









So I've come to realize that I need to be really diligent with taking care of my diabetes. I've slacked off for the past 12 years, never having an A1C lower than 7.7%...that really blows. My eye exam came back perfect but who is to know how long that will last....so I need to step up to the plate. First of all, have you ever had your mind set on something and the closer you got to your goal the more empowered you felt? thats where I am at right now... my A1c went from 8.8 to 8.1 and now to 7.7... I am that close to getting it down to 6.0...whats stopping me now? myself? why would I let myself down? if i let myself down, I can only imagine how I let everyone else down too. also, taking better care of myself is going to cost me less in the long run... i mean, if i let my bs run crazy all the time, I might not be so lucky and end up in the ER.... and with expensive copays and whatnot...yikes. no thank you. Marc is the love of my life... i cant imagine my life without him.... and when it comes to thinking about our future together, I don't ever want to put him through having to take care of me or watch me die an unfortunate early death. that would just kill me to see him cry over me, over something I could have prevented. He has a beautiful daughter...and when she comes up to me wanting to be held, it melts my heart. I really dont want to be in that little girls life only to die very young and leave her sad and heartbroken for the rest of her life... I want to be able to be by Marc's side to watch her grow from this adorable toddler to this beautiful and intelligent woman. speaking of toddlers, I want to be able to raise a child of my own one day... and I need to be there all the time for the rest of that child's life.

I need to stop being so selfish and take better care of myself. I want to live. I want to love. I need to be there for those who matter most to me.


so here we go....

Im so sick of it!

So its official, I graduate from Wayne State University on May 3rd, 2008. Its kind of a wake up call....seriously....what have i done with my life in the past 22 years besides go to school? hmm...well my diabetes has not been in control for more that a single year at a time....digging myself an early grave...indeed. This was never a problem for me until I met Joey. I care about him, I want to marry him and grow old and have kids and grandkids with him. At the rate that im going, that will not be possible. AT ALL. so its time to shape up now before the new year starts.

for everyday my blood sugar averages 150 or lower, I'll put 3 dollars out of my own paycheck into a savings accout. If my daily blood sugar ave is 100 or less, 5 dollars....between 151 and 170, 2 dollars, 171 and 199...1 dollar.

This is just a way for me to "invest in my future" and keep myself alive!

Exams are coming up and I will be busy so hopefully I'll be ok!

its been a while...

So its been a while. really. I am still dating Joey, things between us have gotten good and interesting. Did I tell you my period is now 22 days late? yeah it is. Took a few home pregnancy tests, one was positive, all the rest were negative. I went to the doctor on monday to get a blood test done, i assume ill get the results tomorrow. My blood sugar has been dropping randomly and its kinda irritating. But anyway, joey and i have discussed our options and if all goes well, we plan on keeping the baby, which is exciting. last night i cooked him dinner in exchange for a back rub...alfredo pasta with veggies and wine. i felt a little tipsy so i ended up staying the night. honestly....it was soooo nice just to be able to cuddle up to him all night and stay warm and be able to see him first thing in the morning. :)
He is taking his cat to get fixed and declawed tomorrow at a vet place near my house, so im taking him out to lunch tomorrow, which should be nice!
school is school, nothing less nothing more
I got the full time position at the national city branch in southgate, i start there on tuesday.
Just found out my first love, who got married shortly after breaking up with me, had a baby on the 7th of november. Im not bitter or anything, but im typing this as a best wishes to him, although we dont talk anymore.

im in love.

why do I do this to myself?

Have you ever seen someone and was instantly attracted to them, but then never thought about it further? And then that person and you meet and the attraction level sky rockets? How about when you have sex with that person and that person does everything that you LOVE without even telling that person and it seems as though you two just mesh together? Or when he wraps his arms around you and you've never felt more beautiful than right there in that moment? And when the sun rises and you part ways, you get slightly bummed at the thought you might never see him again? And when, by chance, you two meet again you feel like you are the worlds hottest supermodel and you talk for hours and feel so intelligent and everything seems to be falling into place?

What do you do when you think you are falling for someone? Because right now I can not get Joey off my mind and the anticipation of me seeing him again is overwhelming. I want to be back in his arms, I want to wake up next to him like I did this weekend, I want to cook breakfast in our underwear. What have I gotten myself into, Im falling hard and fast for a man whom I envisioned would be a one night stand....this isn't supposed to happen, especially when now it isnt a one night stand.

This happened last weekend.

So i had a can of diet coke on me because my blood sugar was so high it wasnt reading and i needed to keep fluids in me. we are on our way walking toward the concert (chevelle was going to be there) and the security guy wont let me up because I have a can of coke and it is a Pepsi sponsored event. So I start argueing that I will not throw it out because I need it and if they really want to stop me, go buy me a can of diet pepsi....they said no. I then explane that Im diabetic and I need it, they guy says no. At this point im causing a huge scene and he gets his supervisor OVER A FUCKIN CAN OF DIET COKE! I even lift up my shirt to show them my gross fat stomach to show them the port for my pump and I dangle my medical ID in their faces. They still give me a hard time. So I told them that I will just sue their security company because its a medical liability and seeing my coach purge (which was a gift, lol) they probably see I have money and Told me that I have to smuggle it in. so my friend scott sticks it in his shorts pocket and the guy says if i get caught he didnt tell me to do that. 25 minutes later we get up there, the blood sugar still isnt reading, so I change the pump site and then go behind the porta johns and chug it, stick it under a japanese memorial sign, take pictures of it, and we go about our day.