Today has been one big whirlwind of a day... wake up slightly high thanks to a "high pressure bloackage" in my tubing. That was a pain this morning, let me tell you. I wake up around 3am-ish to a beeping and vibrating pump. Half asleep I'm asking it "whats wrong with you now, a nightmare?"... yes, it was a nightmare, not for my pump but for me. Apparently the pump was beeping and vibrating for 2 hours, it took me 2 hours to notice the beeps and vibrations! When my pump is free roaming in the bed with me it gets tangled up in the thick blankets, which ends up muffling all alerts. This morning was one of them. I get up to go grab the shopping list of supplies (tubing, site, battery, i.v. prep I use to make the sites stick, test strips, meter, poker, juice box) and get back into bed where its nice and warm. I check my blood sugar- 260. Well isn't that a bummer! So I change the tubing and the pump is happy again so I do a correction bolus and go back to sleep knowing that I'll be exhausted in the morning due to the interupted sleep.
I was still high when I got up 2 hours later so I bolus again, jump in the shower, spam tudiabetes.com and head off to work. All day my blood sugars have behaved themselves, which made me the happiest girl in the world. I even ate luch without bolusing and I was still "normal" afterwards. That reminds me, I have to call the doctors on thursday to get my basals adjusted- I am eating and testing all day to keep myself from going low.
I call my mom to chit chat after work while on the way to the gym when she tells me that some California company called me with info about a Navigator. She then goes on to tell me that my dad answered the call and told them I wasn't interested in buying a Navigator at this time. I freak out and was like "omg omg omg nooooooooooooo" and my mom is a little puzzled. I go on to explain that the Navigator is my continuous blood glucose monitor I've been waiting to hear about, not the car! So I go home instead of the gym and call the Abbott company back. they inform me that I'm missing page 2 of the patient questionaire and the patient release form. All giddy beyond giddy, I print those suckers out, fill them out (btw, I think her name was Helen- she walked me through filling it out and was so nice and understanding... I'm liking the company already!) and I fax them asap. On the way to the gym I call them back to confirm they received the forms, which they did. I'm waaaaaay excited... I think I'll be going cyborg...
All my gadgets will include (if you can picture this):
pump on one side, CGM on the other side, ipod in my pocket and ears, cell phone on the other ear, Nike+ ipod thing in my shoes... I'm almost completely cyborg!
Most people would be kinda concerned that my life is controlled by so much technology but I have no doubts. Being diabetic in the age of technological advances is really exciting and I've become a great troubleshooter when it comes to ALL electronic devices, whether they are hooked up to me or I use them at work, or in my car, etc.
I really can't wait to start using the Navigator and experiencing all of its flaws (if any) and working with it to solve all the problems (once again, if any).
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Born again diabetic...
Yes kids, I am back on the diabetes wagon. For most of my diabetic life (12 years now) I think I've kept a log book for only 2 years, and thats not consecutive years, its more like a month here... oh a month there....half a month here. How in the hell is my endo supposed to fix anything if I can't pinpoint whats doing what and what affects me when? One day I hope to be able to have a child, but if I can't keep care of myself now, who is to say I'd be able to keep care of myself and my child? I graduated college, but I feel like I've royally fucked up, so I'm going back to school for a second degree to raise my gpa and get a better job because... I fucked up. The same thing goes with my diabetes, all these years and I think I've seen maybe two A1Cs below 7 and a handful below 8, which is horrible... the last one a few weeks ago was exactly 8%. Once again... I fucked up. So I finally bit the bullet and sheepishly asked my endo for a log book. She hands me one, only one, knowing that I wouldn't keep it anyway so why bother with more? So far, I've kept this log book up to date with 99% of all tests I've done over the past 2 weeks and I know my numbers aren't great, but baby steps young whippersnapper, you'll make it through the challenges... wax on, wax off.
On a romantic side note: Marc has been taking really good care of me. He recognizes when I'm going low and makes me take a time out and hands me a juice box or when I'm high he suggests we do something low-key. The simplest little things make me feel so loved.
On a romantic side note: Marc has been taking really good care of me. He recognizes when I'm going low and makes me take a time out and hands me a juice box or when I'm high he suggests we do something low-key. The simplest little things make me feel so loved.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Well today has had a crappy start. The blood sugar vampires came and visited me TWICE in one night. You're probably thinking, "so what", right? Well its kinda a huge deal to me because it throws me for a diabetes circus act. I understand if it falls low once during the night because I went to the gym after work and I forgot to temporary decrease my basal rate on my cozmo pump, so really, I kinda deserve at least one visit. So I wake up around 2am with a bg of 74, so I figured I might at well eat something to keep me up and keep my stomach from growling like a pack of vicious animals. Dad made spagetti... so of course, I indulge in some spagetti, go back to bed, bolus for the extra carbs, and fall asleep a happy camper. Two hours later I wake up in a panic, I am at 54 and my cozmo hypo manager recommends eating 99 grams of carbs... *grumble grumle* This is why I get so mad at being diabetic... Im still full from eating but now I need to eat 99 grams of carbs? Are you kidding me? So of course I go to the kitchen in my less-than-half awake state and eat 99 grams of carbs... ok, I rounded up to 100. This morning I felt like I was in quicksand... all of my extremities were swollen (or at least they felt like it) my mouth and eyes were dry, I was thirsty... I didnt even have to test, I knew I was high. This automatically makes the day slightly sucky. I get in the shower and make my coffee with my splenda (now with fiber, which makes my intestines smile) and test... 376! *grumble grumble some more* I am really considering talking to my doctor to see if I can test out a few different contin. glucose monitoring systems so I can at least try to prevent these highs before I get to the peak of them.
off to work I go, but before I go... heres a bit of fun with Mr. Norris :)
Sunday, December 28, 2008
A new begining
This is a time for change... I can't just sit here and let my diabetes control my life...what kind of day Im having. I've had this damn disease since I was 11...im now 23! I can't waste another day with high blood sugars, theres no room for mistakes now.
From here on out, its tight control, tight eating, tight exercise for a tight tomorrow with a tight tush!
From here on out, its tight control, tight eating, tight exercise for a tight tomorrow with a tight tush!
Thursday, December 4, 2008
oh....rly?
Went to the gym today...feel good about that, but i binged when I got home, not so good. whatev. yet another day of horrible control, which pisses me off soooo badly.
tomorrow- work, then partying a bit
saturday- work, then going to rochester to see the lights....i guess everybuilding in d-town rochester is covered from the sidewalk to the roof in christmas lights!
next weekend- frankenmuth!
tomorrow- work, then partying a bit
saturday- work, then going to rochester to see the lights....i guess everybuilding in d-town rochester is covered from the sidewalk to the roof in christmas lights!
next weekend- frankenmuth!
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
because i need to put this somewhere.
my blood sugar has been out of whack since I got the flu :( I really need to work on that
[b]Marc,[/b]
I love you, I really do. Way back in 2004 when you sat behind me in Spanish class, I daydreamed about being with you...and I hadn't even said hello yet. You said hello to me finally after a few weeks of sitting behind me and me passing the attendance sheet back to you. Just to let you know, I purposely sat there so I could turn around and see you at least once during class and I purposely kept checking the clock...and yes, I caught you staring at me. Then after class, I'd walk to my car in the structure next to the one you parked in, that was a coincidence, but I didn't mind, I got to see you and your cute butt walk in front of me and yes, there were days where I'd try to walk faster than you so you could watch my cute butt walk to my car... silly, I know, but I wanted to return the favor. When you finally asked me out, I was more than ecstatic. My heart was beating so loud and my stomach turned so much and from that moment on, I was so scared of doing something wrong...it was too perfect. I remember writing the directions to your parents place down in my Spanish notebook... we were to get together after class and study. Too bad we didn't get that much studying done. From that moment on, we were inseparable. We were known as the "cute" couple all over campus because we were always wandering campus holding hands, not having a care in the world. Sometimes we'd be to carefree and be running really late for Spanish class... oh those moments were priceless! we would stand in the hallway outside of class and kiss and decide who would go into class first and who would wait a few minutes and walk in after, just so that the professor and students didn't know we were together...but the professor knew, and she thought it was the cutest thing ever. When we broke up, I took another Spanish class with her and she asked me how we were doing...and I had to inform her that we broke up and the saddest expression came over her face and she said "lo siento", and I cried. It was horrible. It was almost as sad as the day you said you weren't going back to school because it was "too far" from the new place you were staying at...such a lame excuse considering how close you were to graduating. I knew I wasn't your mother, there was nothing I could do to change your mind... but since that day everything went down hill. You drank more and more by the day, you smoked a lot...even with your asthma! The drugs were rampant...but I loved you... I couldn't just walk away from you. I tried so many times to make you see my side, I tried to get you help, but you "didn’t have a problem". I stuck it out for the longest time, feeling more and more neglected and lonely by the day. We broke up, we got back together... over and over and over until one day it was over for good. God that sucked, I cried for days, I took a week long vacation from work to stay home and hide my face in my pillows and blankets and cry....thats all I did. I didn’t eat... I cried. Whenever I had the energy, I did laundry to wash the scent of you off of my clothes and I took down all of our pictures together, and I hid everything you every did or gave to me. I got rid of your ring...that was the hardest thing I did. Tears I didn't even know I had left in me came flooding out at that point. My grandma and my mom told me that if I loved you as much as I said I did, that I should let you go... because if its meant to be and if its true love, love will come back to you. Years passed... I dated quite a few guys and I tried to stick it out in a relationship with each of them, but really, they weren’t you and it wasn’t the same. In the end, I'd end up just as lonely as I did in the beginning. While I was busy dating those other guys, you'd manage to marry some chick (who, as petty as this is, I saw as one ugly chick and I thought you could have done better...but whatever). I found this out from stalking you on myspace. I found your band's myspace page and the number one person was her. so obviously, I looked at her myspace profile and I bookmarked it.... I figured at least I knew who she looked like incase I ever ran into her, I'd trip her or something, just for the irony of it all. The lowest blow, the blow that brought back those tears when we broke up years previous, was when I saw the belly shots...the big pregnant belly. I figured I could have fucked up your marriage and got you back, but after I saw the belly shots there was no way I was messing with that. That sucked hardcore and honestly, I’m still trying to not think about it because if I do, then this whole situation we are in seems a bit fucked up. You found me on myspace and decided to message me, exactly 3 weeks since I broke up with Joey and 2 weeks since I started dating Dave. I cried. These tears I cried were weird... they were those painful tears that I had when we broke up and when I saw the belly pictures, but yet they were also happy tears because the last time I tried to contact you, you told me everything just shy of fuck off...and now here you are wanting to talk to me...but I was also so so so very confused. I texted you that night, I still remembered your phone number after all these years...and you responded. Not too long after that I was sitting in front of you talking over a bottle of water at the coffeehouse we used to be all artsy fartsy at (except they changed their name)... I kept tell both of us that I was not going to get involved with you beyond being friends because you had a wife and child at home... but those feelings came right back. We've spent so much time apart and oddly enough, we've changed (that’s not the odd part) but we've changed and we now have more in common than we did long ago... even our mannerisms... all the way down for our love of franks red hot...seriously. When we left that night you walked me to my car and hugged me and I pushed you away before you could kiss me. You showed me the way back to the freeway (by the way, I knew how to get back to the freeway... I just wanted an opportunity to call you and tell you to pull over if I felt an opportunity like that was needed, at it was) and before we got there, I called you and told you to pull over... I wanted to kiss you sooo bad, just one last time, as I didn't know when the next time would be, if there was to be one. It was the most passionate kiss I'd ever had...it took the breath right out of me and the whole world was spinning and the way you tasted and your scent...I recognized them right away, its the reason why I've felt nothing when someone else kissed me. It was like the world was on fire and the heat and wind was the passion swirling between us. It was already well after midnight and I had to work, so I sent you away and jumped on the freeway. The entire way home I cursed myself for becoming the other woman and I cried because I've never been so happy my entire life... I finally felt so complete. We managed to spend more and more time together behind her back and each time it felt like we were getting closer and closer to being caught. The feelings between us came right back... like nothing ever happened between us and you just magically have a one year old daughter. By the way, you look amazing, more amazing than you did before. Now you are on your own in your own apartment and to tell you the truth, its amazing. I get to come visit you, stay for the weekend, be all domesticated-in-training, daydream about everything. I get to enjoy you for who you are and I get to know more about you and the way you think everyday and it really amazes me that we are different people but we are so similar in every aspect. We even sigh at the same time! I know this divorce thing isn't going as smoothly as you wish it would and I know the BM is crazy, but I want to be there for you one hundred percent of the way because if we can make it through this together in one piece, we can make it though everything else, especially considering this is like world war 3 going on... especially since Ava is involved. I said most of what I really want to say, but there’s more... I just don’t know where to fit it in this already long letter...
This is going to seem slightly childish, but it really sucks that you married her and that she threw the "we are married so no more condoms" card at you. Don't take that the wrong way, Ava is adorable and I’m glad she is your daughter and I look forward to eventually being a great step mom to her. I just get kind of down because I am the woman you were supposed to marry... I told you that way back in 2004 too, but I guess sometimes you have to make the biggest mistakes to learn the smallest of lessons, which I’m sure you learned quite a few lessons. Ever since we started dating way back in the day, I used to dream of having a small outdoor wedding on top of "the hill" we used to go and have picnics on, with only our parents, siblings, best of friends, and grandparents there... you'd be all cute in your tux and I'd be standing in front of you in a simple white dress in my barefeet (you can be barefoot too if you want to be)... it brings tears to my eyes even now. I hate being all pouty like this but it sucks to see that you had already accomplished the things in life that I've always wanted, but you did it with someone else. I've seen how divorce can make people bitter about the whole marriage situation, so I know that I shouldn't hold my breath on ever becoming engaged to you... and I'm not talking about now, I'm also speaking of the future. I really don’t think you'll want to marry someone else for the fear of going through this all over again. I know you said you don't want any more kids too. Its heartbreaking, but I have to understand and come to terms with your decisions if I want to be with you, which is hard to do right now, especially when all of my cousins are starting their own families and my uncles and everyone around me keeps asking me when we plan on starting a family and I just stand there and smile because I know its not going to happen but I don’t have the nerves to tell them that. Plus, even though I'm just as scared as you are when it comes to taking care of Ava (yeah, I don't know what to do with her...surprise!), somewhere deep down inside of me longs to have a child from start to end... even if the odds are against me. It pulls at me all the time. I just wish you'd make up your mind completely and quit making lame excuses on why you won't get clipped, because for each lame excuse you give me, it gives me one more little hope that you eventually want another child, not now of course, but maybe sometime after Ava is out of diapers and can at least count to ten. maybe 20. I'm just scared and worried about where my life is going to lead me because I have goals I want to accomplish, but since you've already accomplished them I'm trying to see if I should stay with you or move on... even though almost everything tells me I should stay. I love you more than anything. If you didn't have the BM and Ava and if I didn't have my diabetes, I'd ask you to run away with me and be mine forever and ever. I can't imagine living my life without you.
[b]Marc,[/b]
I love you, I really do. Way back in 2004 when you sat behind me in Spanish class, I daydreamed about being with you...and I hadn't even said hello yet. You said hello to me finally after a few weeks of sitting behind me and me passing the attendance sheet back to you. Just to let you know, I purposely sat there so I could turn around and see you at least once during class and I purposely kept checking the clock...and yes, I caught you staring at me. Then after class, I'd walk to my car in the structure next to the one you parked in, that was a coincidence, but I didn't mind, I got to see you and your cute butt walk in front of me and yes, there were days where I'd try to walk faster than you so you could watch my cute butt walk to my car... silly, I know, but I wanted to return the favor. When you finally asked me out, I was more than ecstatic. My heart was beating so loud and my stomach turned so much and from that moment on, I was so scared of doing something wrong...it was too perfect. I remember writing the directions to your parents place down in my Spanish notebook... we were to get together after class and study. Too bad we didn't get that much studying done. From that moment on, we were inseparable. We were known as the "cute" couple all over campus because we were always wandering campus holding hands, not having a care in the world. Sometimes we'd be to carefree and be running really late for Spanish class... oh those moments were priceless! we would stand in the hallway outside of class and kiss and decide who would go into class first and who would wait a few minutes and walk in after, just so that the professor and students didn't know we were together...but the professor knew, and she thought it was the cutest thing ever. When we broke up, I took another Spanish class with her and she asked me how we were doing...and I had to inform her that we broke up and the saddest expression came over her face and she said "lo siento", and I cried. It was horrible. It was almost as sad as the day you said you weren't going back to school because it was "too far" from the new place you were staying at...such a lame excuse considering how close you were to graduating. I knew I wasn't your mother, there was nothing I could do to change your mind... but since that day everything went down hill. You drank more and more by the day, you smoked a lot...even with your asthma! The drugs were rampant...but I loved you... I couldn't just walk away from you. I tried so many times to make you see my side, I tried to get you help, but you "didn’t have a problem". I stuck it out for the longest time, feeling more and more neglected and lonely by the day. We broke up, we got back together... over and over and over until one day it was over for good. God that sucked, I cried for days, I took a week long vacation from work to stay home and hide my face in my pillows and blankets and cry....thats all I did. I didn’t eat... I cried. Whenever I had the energy, I did laundry to wash the scent of you off of my clothes and I took down all of our pictures together, and I hid everything you every did or gave to me. I got rid of your ring...that was the hardest thing I did. Tears I didn't even know I had left in me came flooding out at that point. My grandma and my mom told me that if I loved you as much as I said I did, that I should let you go... because if its meant to be and if its true love, love will come back to you. Years passed... I dated quite a few guys and I tried to stick it out in a relationship with each of them, but really, they weren’t you and it wasn’t the same. In the end, I'd end up just as lonely as I did in the beginning. While I was busy dating those other guys, you'd manage to marry some chick (who, as petty as this is, I saw as one ugly chick and I thought you could have done better...but whatever). I found this out from stalking you on myspace. I found your band's myspace page and the number one person was her. so obviously, I looked at her myspace profile and I bookmarked it.... I figured at least I knew who she looked like incase I ever ran into her, I'd trip her or something, just for the irony of it all. The lowest blow, the blow that brought back those tears when we broke up years previous, was when I saw the belly shots...the big pregnant belly. I figured I could have fucked up your marriage and got you back, but after I saw the belly shots there was no way I was messing with that. That sucked hardcore and honestly, I’m still trying to not think about it because if I do, then this whole situation we are in seems a bit fucked up. You found me on myspace and decided to message me, exactly 3 weeks since I broke up with Joey and 2 weeks since I started dating Dave. I cried. These tears I cried were weird... they were those painful tears that I had when we broke up and when I saw the belly pictures, but yet they were also happy tears because the last time I tried to contact you, you told me everything just shy of fuck off...and now here you are wanting to talk to me...but I was also so so so very confused. I texted you that night, I still remembered your phone number after all these years...and you responded. Not too long after that I was sitting in front of you talking over a bottle of water at the coffeehouse we used to be all artsy fartsy at (except they changed their name)... I kept tell both of us that I was not going to get involved with you beyond being friends because you had a wife and child at home... but those feelings came right back. We've spent so much time apart and oddly enough, we've changed (that’s not the odd part) but we've changed and we now have more in common than we did long ago... even our mannerisms... all the way down for our love of franks red hot...seriously. When we left that night you walked me to my car and hugged me and I pushed you away before you could kiss me. You showed me the way back to the freeway (by the way, I knew how to get back to the freeway... I just wanted an opportunity to call you and tell you to pull over if I felt an opportunity like that was needed, at it was) and before we got there, I called you and told you to pull over... I wanted to kiss you sooo bad, just one last time, as I didn't know when the next time would be, if there was to be one. It was the most passionate kiss I'd ever had...it took the breath right out of me and the whole world was spinning and the way you tasted and your scent...I recognized them right away, its the reason why I've felt nothing when someone else kissed me. It was like the world was on fire and the heat and wind was the passion swirling between us. It was already well after midnight and I had to work, so I sent you away and jumped on the freeway. The entire way home I cursed myself for becoming the other woman and I cried because I've never been so happy my entire life... I finally felt so complete. We managed to spend more and more time together behind her back and each time it felt like we were getting closer and closer to being caught. The feelings between us came right back... like nothing ever happened between us and you just magically have a one year old daughter. By the way, you look amazing, more amazing than you did before. Now you are on your own in your own apartment and to tell you the truth, its amazing. I get to come visit you, stay for the weekend, be all domesticated-in-training, daydream about everything. I get to enjoy you for who you are and I get to know more about you and the way you think everyday and it really amazes me that we are different people but we are so similar in every aspect. We even sigh at the same time! I know this divorce thing isn't going as smoothly as you wish it would and I know the BM is crazy, but I want to be there for you one hundred percent of the way because if we can make it through this together in one piece, we can make it though everything else, especially considering this is like world war 3 going on... especially since Ava is involved. I said most of what I really want to say, but there’s more... I just don’t know where to fit it in this already long letter...
This is going to seem slightly childish, but it really sucks that you married her and that she threw the "we are married so no more condoms" card at you. Don't take that the wrong way, Ava is adorable and I’m glad she is your daughter and I look forward to eventually being a great step mom to her. I just get kind of down because I am the woman you were supposed to marry... I told you that way back in 2004 too, but I guess sometimes you have to make the biggest mistakes to learn the smallest of lessons, which I’m sure you learned quite a few lessons. Ever since we started dating way back in the day, I used to dream of having a small outdoor wedding on top of "the hill" we used to go and have picnics on, with only our parents, siblings, best of friends, and grandparents there... you'd be all cute in your tux and I'd be standing in front of you in a simple white dress in my barefeet (you can be barefoot too if you want to be)... it brings tears to my eyes even now. I hate being all pouty like this but it sucks to see that you had already accomplished the things in life that I've always wanted, but you did it with someone else. I've seen how divorce can make people bitter about the whole marriage situation, so I know that I shouldn't hold my breath on ever becoming engaged to you... and I'm not talking about now, I'm also speaking of the future. I really don’t think you'll want to marry someone else for the fear of going through this all over again. I know you said you don't want any more kids too. Its heartbreaking, but I have to understand and come to terms with your decisions if I want to be with you, which is hard to do right now, especially when all of my cousins are starting their own families and my uncles and everyone around me keeps asking me when we plan on starting a family and I just stand there and smile because I know its not going to happen but I don’t have the nerves to tell them that. Plus, even though I'm just as scared as you are when it comes to taking care of Ava (yeah, I don't know what to do with her...surprise!), somewhere deep down inside of me longs to have a child from start to end... even if the odds are against me. It pulls at me all the time. I just wish you'd make up your mind completely and quit making lame excuses on why you won't get clipped, because for each lame excuse you give me, it gives me one more little hope that you eventually want another child, not now of course, but maybe sometime after Ava is out of diapers and can at least count to ten. maybe 20. I'm just scared and worried about where my life is going to lead me because I have goals I want to accomplish, but since you've already accomplished them I'm trying to see if I should stay with you or move on... even though almost everything tells me I should stay. I love you more than anything. If you didn't have the BM and Ava and if I didn't have my diabetes, I'd ask you to run away with me and be mine forever and ever. I can't imagine living my life without you.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Shake your flu thang!
Yeah this morning I woke up around 530 with the worse case of the stomach flu you can ever imagine. ok, maybe im stretching the truth but when you've woken up to almost projectile vomiting and watery poop, AND high bs, it makes the day hell. I called the endo around 1030 and she said that I have to call her back in an hour, temp increase the basal to 115% and if the nasties dont stop, Ill have to go to the ER. ok I take a quick nap, wake up to more vomit. Blood sugar still in the 200s. ER visit here we come. They pull blood, hook me up to an IV, give me antinasties meds, and I sleep for 3 hours. Discharged, come home to find my dad and sister fighting for the bathroom, they have the nasties now too. I fill my rx for antinasties meds and told them to fight over it...i grab two pills for myself and if i dont need it, then Ill give them to Marc, since he has the body aches.
we have Ava tomorrow, im hoping he wont get it.
and i have no strength. So im off to play civ.
we have Ava tomorrow, im hoping he wont get it.
and i have no strength. So im off to play civ.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
it keeps getting better!
So I use a program called CoPilot to track my blood glucose readings and I really love the program...its my new bff.
Well it calculates my average...and right now its 135. According to http://www.accu-chek.com/us/rewrite/content/en_US/4.1.2:20/article/ACCM_general_article_2422.htm#
if I can keep this up, my a1c will be a 5.96..so 6%
I need to keep this up until februrary when I go back to Dr. Kilbane. I really want to rub it in their faces that I CAN DO THIS!!!
on a side note, I got marc to poke my finger last night. I know, big whoopteeedoooo but really, if I let him help me in baby steps, maybe it wont freak him out. last night he kinda looked at me and was like "thats all?" and yeah, it really is that simple. So since he realizes he cant hurt me (ok he can but I wont let him know that ;) ) maybe he'd be more eager to help. Hes eager, but I think hes nervous about doing this to me right now.
Well it calculates my average...and right now its 135. According to http://www.accu-chek.com/us/rewrite/content/en_US/4.1.2:20/article/ACCM_general_article_2422.htm#
if I can keep this up, my a1c will be a 5.96..so 6%
I need to keep this up until februrary when I go back to Dr. Kilbane. I really want to rub it in their faces that I CAN DO THIS!!!
on a side note, I got marc to poke my finger last night. I know, big whoopteeedoooo but really, if I let him help me in baby steps, maybe it wont freak him out. last night he kinda looked at me and was like "thats all?" and yeah, it really is that simple. So since he realizes he cant hurt me (ok he can but I wont let him know that ;) ) maybe he'd be more eager to help. Hes eager, but I think hes nervous about doing this to me right now.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
352 days later...
its been 352 days since I last updated this thing..yikes.
Romance:
Joey and I have been long over. Enter Marc. Marc is my first love. We broke up because we needed to grow up and he needed to clean up his act. Long story short... hes going through a divorce, he has a daughter, we are back in love.
Life:
I GRADUATED!!!! I get the official paperwork next month. I still work at national city, as full time.
So I've come to realize that I need to be really diligent with taking care of my diabetes. I've slacked off for the past 12 years, never having an A1C lower than 7.7%...that really blows. My eye exam came back perfect but who is to know how long that will last....so I need to step up to the plate. First of all, have you ever had your mind set on something and the closer you got to your goal the more empowered you felt? thats where I am at right now... my A1c went from 8.8 to 8.1 and now to 7.7... I am that close to getting it down to 6.0...whats stopping me now? myself? why would I let myself down? if i let myself down, I can only imagine how I let everyone else down too. also, taking better care of myself is going to cost me less in the long run... i mean, if i let my bs run crazy all the time, I might not be so lucky and end up in the ER.... and with expensive copays and whatnot...yikes. no thank you. Marc is the love of my life... i cant imagine my life without him.... and when it comes to thinking about our future together, I don't ever want to put him through having to take care of me or watch me die an unfortunate early death. that would just kill me to see him cry over me, over something I could have prevented. He has a beautiful daughter...and when she comes up to me wanting to be held, it melts my heart. I really dont want to be in that little girls life only to die very young and leave her sad and heartbroken for the rest of her life... I want to be able to be by Marc's side to watch her grow from this adorable toddler to this beautiful and intelligent woman. speaking of toddlers, I want to be able to raise a child of my own one day... and I need to be there all the time for the rest of that child's life.
I need to stop being so selfish and take better care of myself. I want to live. I want to love. I need to be there for those who matter most to me.
so here we go....
Romance:
Joey and I have been long over. Enter Marc. Marc is my first love. We broke up because we needed to grow up and he needed to clean up his act. Long story short... hes going through a divorce, he has a daughter, we are back in love.
Life:
I GRADUATED!!!! I get the official paperwork next month. I still work at national city, as full time.
So I've come to realize that I need to be really diligent with taking care of my diabetes. I've slacked off for the past 12 years, never having an A1C lower than 7.7%...that really blows. My eye exam came back perfect but who is to know how long that will last....so I need to step up to the plate. First of all, have you ever had your mind set on something and the closer you got to your goal the more empowered you felt? thats where I am at right now... my A1c went from 8.8 to 8.1 and now to 7.7... I am that close to getting it down to 6.0...whats stopping me now? myself? why would I let myself down? if i let myself down, I can only imagine how I let everyone else down too. also, taking better care of myself is going to cost me less in the long run... i mean, if i let my bs run crazy all the time, I might not be so lucky and end up in the ER.... and with expensive copays and whatnot...yikes. no thank you. Marc is the love of my life... i cant imagine my life without him.... and when it comes to thinking about our future together, I don't ever want to put him through having to take care of me or watch me die an unfortunate early death. that would just kill me to see him cry over me, over something I could have prevented. He has a beautiful daughter...and when she comes up to me wanting to be held, it melts my heart. I really dont want to be in that little girls life only to die very young and leave her sad and heartbroken for the rest of her life... I want to be able to be by Marc's side to watch her grow from this adorable toddler to this beautiful and intelligent woman. speaking of toddlers, I want to be able to raise a child of my own one day... and I need to be there all the time for the rest of that child's life.
I need to stop being so selfish and take better care of myself. I want to live. I want to love. I need to be there for those who matter most to me.
so here we go....
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Im so sick of it!
So its official, I graduate from Wayne State University on May 3rd, 2008. Its kind of a wake up call....seriously....what have i done with my life in the past 22 years besides go to school? hmm...well my diabetes has not been in control for more that a single year at a time....digging myself an early grave...indeed. This was never a problem for me until I met Joey. I care about him, I want to marry him and grow old and have kids and grandkids with him. At the rate that im going, that will not be possible. AT ALL. so its time to shape up now before the new year starts.
for everyday my blood sugar averages 150 or lower, I'll put 3 dollars out of my own paycheck into a savings accout. If my daily blood sugar ave is 100 or less, 5 dollars....between 151 and 170, 2 dollars, 171 and 199...1 dollar.
This is just a way for me to "invest in my future" and keep myself alive!
Exams are coming up and I will be busy so hopefully I'll be ok!
for everyday my blood sugar averages 150 or lower, I'll put 3 dollars out of my own paycheck into a savings accout. If my daily blood sugar ave is 100 or less, 5 dollars....between 151 and 170, 2 dollars, 171 and 199...1 dollar.
This is just a way for me to "invest in my future" and keep myself alive!
Exams are coming up and I will be busy so hopefully I'll be ok!
Sunday, November 18, 2007
its been a while...
So its been a while. really. I am still dating Joey, things between us have gotten good and interesting. Did I tell you my period is now 22 days late? yeah it is. Took a few home pregnancy tests, one was positive, all the rest were negative. I went to the doctor on monday to get a blood test done, i assume ill get the results tomorrow. My blood sugar has been dropping randomly and its kinda irritating. But anyway, joey and i have discussed our options and if all goes well, we plan on keeping the baby, which is exciting. last night i cooked him dinner in exchange for a back rub...alfredo pasta with veggies and wine. i felt a little tipsy so i ended up staying the night. honestly....it was soooo nice just to be able to cuddle up to him all night and stay warm and be able to see him first thing in the morning. :)
He is taking his cat to get fixed and declawed tomorrow at a vet place near my house, so im taking him out to lunch tomorrow, which should be nice!
school is school, nothing less nothing more
I got the full time position at the national city branch in southgate, i start there on tuesday.
Just found out my first love, who got married shortly after breaking up with me, had a baby on the 7th of november. Im not bitter or anything, but im typing this as a best wishes to him, although we dont talk anymore.
im in love.
He is taking his cat to get fixed and declawed tomorrow at a vet place near my house, so im taking him out to lunch tomorrow, which should be nice!
school is school, nothing less nothing more
I got the full time position at the national city branch in southgate, i start there on tuesday.
Just found out my first love, who got married shortly after breaking up with me, had a baby on the 7th of november. Im not bitter or anything, but im typing this as a best wishes to him, although we dont talk anymore.
im in love.
Monday, September 17, 2007
why do I do this to myself?
Have you ever seen someone and was instantly attracted to them, but then never thought about it further? And then that person and you meet and the attraction level sky rockets? How about when you have sex with that person and that person does everything that you LOVE without even telling that person and it seems as though you two just mesh together? Or when he wraps his arms around you and you've never felt more beautiful than right there in that moment? And when the sun rises and you part ways, you get slightly bummed at the thought you might never see him again? And when, by chance, you two meet again you feel like you are the worlds hottest supermodel and you talk for hours and feel so intelligent and everything seems to be falling into place?
What do you do when you think you are falling for someone? Because right now I can not get Joey off my mind and the anticipation of me seeing him again is overwhelming. I want to be back in his arms, I want to wake up next to him like I did this weekend, I want to cook breakfast in our underwear. What have I gotten myself into, Im falling hard and fast for a man whom I envisioned would be a one night stand....this isn't supposed to happen, especially when now it isnt a one night stand.
What do you do when you think you are falling for someone? Because right now I can not get Joey off my mind and the anticipation of me seeing him again is overwhelming. I want to be back in his arms, I want to wake up next to him like I did this weekend, I want to cook breakfast in our underwear. What have I gotten myself into, Im falling hard and fast for a man whom I envisioned would be a one night stand....this isn't supposed to happen, especially when now it isnt a one night stand.
Friday, September 7, 2007
This happened last weekend.
So i had a can of diet coke on me because my blood sugar was so high it wasnt reading and i needed to keep fluids in me. we are on our way walking toward the concert (chevelle was going to be there) and the security guy wont let me up because I have a can of coke and it is a Pepsi sponsored event. So I start argueing that I will not throw it out because I need it and if they really want to stop me, go buy me a can of diet pepsi....they said no. I then explane that Im diabetic and I need it, they guy says no. At this point im causing a huge scene and he gets his supervisor OVER A FUCKIN CAN OF DIET COKE! I even lift up my shirt to show them my gross fat stomach to show them the port for my pump and I dangle my medical ID in their faces. They still give me a hard time. So I told them that I will just sue their security company because its a medical liability and seeing my coach purge (which was a gift, lol) they probably see I have money and Told me that I have to smuggle it in. so my friend scott sticks it in his shorts pocket and the guy says if i get caught he didnt tell me to do that. 25 minutes later we get up there, the blood sugar still isnt reading, so I change the pump site and then go behind the porta johns and chug it, stick it under a japanese memorial sign, take pictures of it, and we go about our day.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
out there....way out there.
So my mind is way out there, waaayyyyy out there. I feel like Im falling behind in life. I still need to take the GRE and do well on it. I need to bring my gpa up, I need to apply to grad schools. WTF am I doing with my time? Laying on the couch watching Americas Next top model marathons. Well, I did visit my grandma today, so that was nice. I love her to pieces and she helped me reinforce the buttons on the new sweater I bought for work. She asked me how long I have until I graduate and I told her I will be done in May 2008 and sadly, she said she hopes to still be around by then. I half scolded-half jokinly told her that she needs to stop thinking that way and that she WILL be around to see me graduate. I know, you all are probably wondering why she is saying such depressing things to me. Well, she is going to be 85 years old this year in october, she already had to bury 2 of her sons and before i was even born she had to bury her own husband, who died when my mother was only 16. She was a smoker, but quit when I was little and the only real medical issue that she has had recently was that she needed hearing aids, which is quite shocking compared to the health issues my grandma from my dads side has/is going through right now. Shes a tough one, Im thinking she still has another 10-20 years on her. Anyways, She didnt say anything about my new nostril piercing, but then again she might not have noticed which would be shocking since my sister who just got home from vacation and was sitting across the room from me blurts out "did you get your nose pierced?" in total disbelief and shock. Yes, i got my nose pierced and i think its pretty. Its not huge, quite small actually, and very sparkly. So that makes seven yes SEVEN piercings so far, more to come as I can afford them. Im looking forward to breakfast tomorrow since today I bought egg whites, fat free shredded cheddar cheese, and salsa. We had chicken tonight so I think I might cut up some of the left over chicken and throw that in with the ingredients mentioned above to make a big omlet, yes it does sound like a plan. No work tomorrow, only my internship from 1-5. I wonder what they are going to make me do tomorrow since I keep completing my tasks way before schedule. hmm. Either way, I dont mind it. I have my own cubicle and everything and the best part? it feels like someone finally appreciates my work ethics and I feel important there. Damn, its already 10pm....almost. I should work on some math tomorrow and Spanish tomorrow also. Ah, yes, I managed to get allllll of my laundry done. It took 2 months of laundry every weekend to get it all done. I feel complete now
food for today:
2 yogurts +320
100cal pack+100
pb egg +340
mini chocolate pie +200
mayo +200
Potato+300
sour cream+200
Salad +300
Veggies+100
v-8 juice +40
total:2100
no exercise today :( bummer
Today's horoscope: You will know when you need to step back today -- so listen to your gut when it tells you to run and hide. It's important for you to always be able to find a place where you can be by yourself when people aren't on your wavelength. And don't succumb to pressure to be social when you just don't want to be. It's perfectly fine for you to be stingy with your free time right now -- you've been far too generous with it recently. Please yourself, not others
food for today:
2 yogurts +320
100cal pack+100
pb egg +340
mini chocolate pie +200
mayo +200
Potato+300
sour cream+200
Salad +300
Veggies+100
v-8 juice +40
total:2100
no exercise today :( bummer
Today's horoscope: You will know when you need to step back today -- so listen to your gut when it tells you to run and hide. It's important for you to always be able to find a place where you can be by yourself when people aren't on your wavelength. And don't succumb to pressure to be social when you just don't want to be. It's perfectly fine for you to be stingy with your free time right now -- you've been far too generous with it recently. Please yourself, not others
Friday, August 17, 2007
Depression
I just realized something today....I am depressed. Not suicidal depressed, just blah depressed. ALL the TIME. I dont know how to shake it either. I tried shopping, but that only leaves me worried that I'll have to return the items because i think i spent too much. Tried working it off by working out, but it only leaves me more depressed because im FAT.
I dont know what to do anymore. it sucks ass.
I dont know what to do anymore. it sucks ass.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
the weekend is coming to a close
So the weekend is coming to a close and I hate to say this, but I got almost nothing accomplished.
Yesterday I hung out with my bff nicole....we layed out in the sun, went shopping, went to Luckys for her friends bday party. Luckys is like an adult version of chuck e cheese's, minus the static filled slides and plastic ball pits. I ended up playing this trivia game, and of course, I answered all the questions correctly and FASTEST! so I won...120 tickets. We go get some candy and leave, since there wasnt much for under 200 tickets. I check my BG, its 303, so I correct it, like I would normally do. Yeah after correcting, I realize that I had a drink, so therefore I will drop really fast overnight. To balance things out we go get some pizza and I eat and then go home. My dad is still awake and asks me where I was since I was gone all day and its now 12:30am. I told him Luckys with nicole, and i also mention that all that money that he pays for me to go to school was worth it since I won at a trivia game. He laughs, I hop into bed and pass out until 1130 this morning.
today:
Slept until 1130, when my blood sugar was at 125. I get up, eat some yogurt, go back to bed. How adventurous! Around 6pm my mom wakes me up for dinner, blood sugar at 48...grab some grapes, a peach and some yogurt. Eat dinner, home made pesto sause and angel hair pasta. hour later, bust my butt at the gym, came home did some laundry, showered, and here I am.
How boring.
Yesterday I hung out with my bff nicole....we layed out in the sun, went shopping, went to Luckys for her friends bday party. Luckys is like an adult version of chuck e cheese's, minus the static filled slides and plastic ball pits. I ended up playing this trivia game, and of course, I answered all the questions correctly and FASTEST! so I won...120 tickets. We go get some candy and leave, since there wasnt much for under 200 tickets. I check my BG, its 303, so I correct it, like I would normally do. Yeah after correcting, I realize that I had a drink, so therefore I will drop really fast overnight. To balance things out we go get some pizza and I eat and then go home. My dad is still awake and asks me where I was since I was gone all day and its now 12:30am. I told him Luckys with nicole, and i also mention that all that money that he pays for me to go to school was worth it since I won at a trivia game. He laughs, I hop into bed and pass out until 1130 this morning.
today:
Slept until 1130, when my blood sugar was at 125. I get up, eat some yogurt, go back to bed. How adventurous! Around 6pm my mom wakes me up for dinner, blood sugar at 48...grab some grapes, a peach and some yogurt. Eat dinner, home made pesto sause and angel hair pasta. hour later, bust my butt at the gym, came home did some laundry, showered, and here I am.
How boring.
Friday, August 10, 2007
Blah with a pinch of excitement
So Im currently sitting on my couch in the living room, half relaxing, half debating what to do all the while listening to the rapid speech of those on this soap on univision, i think thats how you spell it. its the only spanish station that we get on our cable. Im really proud of myself because im keeping up pretty well, granted there are some words i do not know. its about people having affairs with their bosses.
Today is my mothers birthday, I took her to a salon to get a facial, pedicure, manicure, and hairstyle. Then later we (my mother, me, and my sister) all went out to applebees for lunch/dinner, since it was a very later lunch. btw, lunch was ok...nothing exciting....tomato basil soup and a grilled cheese blt. good times
I visited my neighbor, Nora. She still is waiting for her baby to come. I ended up talking to her and her family and she showed me pictures of her life back in ther native country. She sent a bag of veggies home with me, more cucumbers and tomatoes and onions. At least im getting my fiber! ha! So i cut up some tomato and cucumber and lightly sprinkled it with white pepper.
I didnt go to the gym today. Bummer. I woke up at 80, now im at 105. Had a few grapes. so Im chillin here on the couch, being entertained by some overly dramatic acting in spanish.
Todays horoscope:
Do whatever it takes to stick with your current projects today -- don't go wandering off to pursue something shiny and new (and unproven). Even if this new venture or project seems much more interesting than what you're working on now, it's not. Stay dedicated to the tasks at hand, and you'll find new appreciation for the smaller things in life. Suddenly, there is beauty is numbers -- and when they all fit together perfectly, you'll feel a type of satisfaction that you've never felt before
Today is my mothers birthday, I took her to a salon to get a facial, pedicure, manicure, and hairstyle. Then later we (my mother, me, and my sister) all went out to applebees for lunch/dinner, since it was a very later lunch. btw, lunch was ok...nothing exciting....tomato basil soup and a grilled cheese blt. good times
I visited my neighbor, Nora. She still is waiting for her baby to come. I ended up talking to her and her family and she showed me pictures of her life back in ther native country. She sent a bag of veggies home with me, more cucumbers and tomatoes and onions. At least im getting my fiber! ha! So i cut up some tomato and cucumber and lightly sprinkled it with white pepper.
I didnt go to the gym today. Bummer. I woke up at 80, now im at 105. Had a few grapes. so Im chillin here on the couch, being entertained by some overly dramatic acting in spanish.
Todays horoscope:
Do whatever it takes to stick with your current projects today -- don't go wandering off to pursue something shiny and new (and unproven). Even if this new venture or project seems much more interesting than what you're working on now, it's not. Stay dedicated to the tasks at hand, and you'll find new appreciation for the smaller things in life. Suddenly, there is beauty is numbers -- and when they all fit together perfectly, you'll feel a type of satisfaction that you've never felt before
Thursday, August 9, 2007
oh to kick my own ass...
So I had the day off of work, the joy of being a part-timer. More like the woes of being a part-timer. you see, Im one of those people who will continually graze all day if I am bored, left alone, or have to much time on my hands. This can lead to some surprisingly high blood sugars. I \'ve tried everything and I just dont know how to stop this behavior! So over the course of the day there has been plenty of grapes (i appreciate grapes, they make me poop!), 2 breadsticks, lasagna, popcorn, 100cal oreo bag, kool-aid, and a tomato basil tortilla with mayo. C'mon now! Get a grip Sarah! It doesnt seem so bad but when it messes with my blood sugar, its just plain reckless. I know that between eating the grapes and the lasagna I fell asleep on the couch. Talk about being a sloth! So I gave myself a time limit, 8pm I was getting myself out of my pjs and into my car and driving the whole 10 minutes to the gym to do at least 30 minutes of some sort of cardio to get my blood sugars down since all this munching and lack of bolusing has left me at 357! So 8pm comes, i get in my car, my gym cloths and shoes are already packed in my barbie pink gym bag and I drive to the gym blaring the new Evans Blue Cd (shameless plug for a great band right there, go check them out!). I always test before starting, so as I'm standing on the treadmill, my meter reads 325...odd. that dropped really fast. Im now blaring Nine Inch Nails (they dont need a shameless plug) as Im walking the hills program on the treadmill at the highest level of 20, leaving the incline between 9 and 15% and 4mph...Im really sweating now. 30 minutes into it, when I told myself its ok to stop, I test again. down from 325 to 198. Now thats an even bigger drop and I know its not my insulin since I disconnected at the start. Whatever, Im sweaty but not sweaty enough. I continue on this program for another 15 minutes. I like nice numbers divisible by 5 or 10 9well I should say 5 since 10 is divisible by 5) so I told myself, "ok sweaty ass, keep going until you reach 715 cals burned"..ok boss. Well, that takes care of the lasagna I just ate.
so as for my battles:
Sarah v. Food: Sarah:1, Food: 0
Laziness v. Exercise: Laziness:1, Exercise:1...since i did spend most of the day in my pjs.
so as for my battles:
Sarah v. Food: Sarah:1, Food: 0
Laziness v. Exercise: Laziness:1, Exercise:1...since i did spend most of the day in my pjs.
A new begining
Since I have started posting at tudiabetes.com, I've take the idea to have a blog from many of the members there. This is a new begining.
Right now, I am off of work until saturday, which is kinda good since I get to sleep, but really bad also since I have nothing to do. Why do I have nothing to do? My neighbor, Nora, is about to have her baby. This generally wouldn't be news except shes from Romania and doesn't know many people here and her husband is at work about 30 miles away and she also asked me to drive her to the hospital if her husband isnt home. So obviously, I can not go to the gym until later on tonight. I could do some laundry, but that would require me to get the motivation to lug a huge laundry basket down 2 flights of stairs into the dark creepy basement where there are spiders hidden everywhere. I think ill wait on that.
As for my bg readings so far today....
110 at 1030am then 95 at 12:30pm. Pretty darn good considering my last a1c about 3 weeks ago was 11.7% Yeah I feel like im going to die when my blood sugar is this good, but you must take the good with the bad. Im sure ill get used to it shortly.
i havent eaten much today. Im sure that will change but for now...1/4 cup guacamole and 6 chips, a mug of yogi fasting tea.
To lay in bed all day in my pjs, its a good feeling, but im really hyper right now. 3 weeks until school starts, and I CANNOT WAIT!
Right now, I am off of work until saturday, which is kinda good since I get to sleep, but really bad also since I have nothing to do. Why do I have nothing to do? My neighbor, Nora, is about to have her baby. This generally wouldn't be news except shes from Romania and doesn't know many people here and her husband is at work about 30 miles away and she also asked me to drive her to the hospital if her husband isnt home. So obviously, I can not go to the gym until later on tonight. I could do some laundry, but that would require me to get the motivation to lug a huge laundry basket down 2 flights of stairs into the dark creepy basement where there are spiders hidden everywhere. I think ill wait on that.
As for my bg readings so far today....
110 at 1030am then 95 at 12:30pm. Pretty darn good considering my last a1c about 3 weeks ago was 11.7% Yeah I feel like im going to die when my blood sugar is this good, but you must take the good with the bad. Im sure ill get used to it shortly.
i havent eaten much today. Im sure that will change but for now...1/4 cup guacamole and 6 chips, a mug of yogi fasting tea.
To lay in bed all day in my pjs, its a good feeling, but im really hyper right now. 3 weeks until school starts, and I CANNOT WAIT!
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