it keeps getting better!

So I use a program called CoPilot to track my blood glucose readings and I really love the program...its my new bff.

Well it calculates my average...and right now its 135. According to http://www.accu-chek.com/us/rewrite/content/en_US/4.1.2:20/article/ACCM_general_article_2422.htm#

if I can keep this up, my a1c will be a 5.96..so 6%


I need to keep this up until februrary when I go back to Dr. Kilbane. I really want to rub it in their faces that I CAN DO THIS!!!



on a side note, I got marc to poke my finger last night. I know, big whoopteeedoooo but really, if I let him help me in baby steps, maybe it wont freak him out. last night he kinda looked at me and was like "thats all?" and yeah, it really is that simple. So since he realizes he cant hurt me (ok he can but I wont let him know that ;) ) maybe he'd be more eager to help. Hes eager, but I think hes nervous about doing this to me right now.

woke up to 86 this morning...damn, I feel ALIVE!

352 days later...

its been 352 days since I last updated this thing..yikes.

Romance:
Joey and I have been long over. Enter Marc. Marc is my first love. We broke up because we needed to grow up and he needed to clean up his act. Long story short... hes going through a divorce, he has a daughter, we are back in love.

Life:
I GRADUATED!!!! I get the official paperwork next month. I still work at national city, as full time.









So I've come to realize that I need to be really diligent with taking care of my diabetes. I've slacked off for the past 12 years, never having an A1C lower than 7.7%...that really blows. My eye exam came back perfect but who is to know how long that will last....so I need to step up to the plate. First of all, have you ever had your mind set on something and the closer you got to your goal the more empowered you felt? thats where I am at right now... my A1c went from 8.8 to 8.1 and now to 7.7... I am that close to getting it down to 6.0...whats stopping me now? myself? why would I let myself down? if i let myself down, I can only imagine how I let everyone else down too. also, taking better care of myself is going to cost me less in the long run... i mean, if i let my bs run crazy all the time, I might not be so lucky and end up in the ER.... and with expensive copays and whatnot...yikes. no thank you. Marc is the love of my life... i cant imagine my life without him.... and when it comes to thinking about our future together, I don't ever want to put him through having to take care of me or watch me die an unfortunate early death. that would just kill me to see him cry over me, over something I could have prevented. He has a beautiful daughter...and when she comes up to me wanting to be held, it melts my heart. I really dont want to be in that little girls life only to die very young and leave her sad and heartbroken for the rest of her life... I want to be able to be by Marc's side to watch her grow from this adorable toddler to this beautiful and intelligent woman. speaking of toddlers, I want to be able to raise a child of my own one day... and I need to be there all the time for the rest of that child's life.

I need to stop being so selfish and take better care of myself. I want to live. I want to love. I need to be there for those who matter most to me.


so here we go....